Paris Punishes People

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Paris the acclaimed city of love, of romance, of art…. What utter bullshit, yeah I said bullshit and not because Paris actually smells like shit and piss. Paris is a lie, it is terrible for anyone visting, it seems as though the city and the people punish you for going there. You think I’m joking, I’m not, I’m dead serious, here is a little taste of my experience in this acclaimed city.

The ticket inspectors are ruthless, it seemed my ticket had expired by one minute and they wanted me to pay a 60 euro fine, when I tried to explsain I didn’t understand the ticketing system, he started yelling at me and advancing at such a pace I thought he was going to attack me, he could clearly see I was in distress and he kept on charging at my like some bull or rogue animal, only stopping when his friend told him to, I shudder at what would happen to me if his friend didn’t tell him stop. From that point on I took cabs or buses and oh boy was that a treat.

Whenever I got into a car or cab I felt as if it was going to be my last trip. Remember when you were learning to drive with your parents in the car and they would clutch onto the seat for dear life throughout the entire journey, well let me tell you something if you ever want to know what your parents were feeling just sit in the front seat while a Parisian is driving, you don’t need to push a human out of your body and wait for them to grow up to get that utter feeling of dread and fear, you just need to go to Paris. The consolation through all this I got back to my hotel room faster than I expected, though I don’t know how much of a consolation that was.

My hotel room was more of a closet it made me feel claustrophobic just walking inside (I know that Parisan Hotels are small), the cleaning staff never came by the entire time I stayed there, how do I know this you may ask, the bed was never made and the trash was never taken out. Who knows if they even changed the sheets before I got in them I could have been sleeping someone else dead skin cells. Finding an upside to Paris is extremely hard though not impossible.

Paris is not all bad and you must be shocked reading this as I seem to be on an anti Paris rant,the galleries are quite beautiful as they contain the finest works I have ever seen of naked women and men, the louvre is beautiful in architecture and design I could spend hours upon hours just wandering the halls exploring each hidden nook and cranny, enjoying each piece of art that littered the halls of this wonderful place.

The food I ate was exquisite, it’s true about what they say about Parisan food they can make anything taste positively mouth watering even a cheeseburger, it felt even better coming up as I later threw up in front of the a beautifully lit Eiffel Tower. It was a very Parisan experience.

All in all I would never go back, going their waste of money, of time and my patience. Though if you want to see great art, eat wonderful food, smell stale piss everywhere and step in dog muck every five minutes Paris is for you.

 

 

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